Scott has an awesome new mustache. Mason can talk like the cutie pie he is and Kourtney says she feels wider than ever, pregnant with her second baby.
The new season of KUWTK is here!
Bruce missed dinner with the family because he fell asleep watching tv and he's upset no one came to get him. Kris says she left him alone because
Khloe is being pressured by her mom to get a DNA test to prove the paternity of her father. She has no desire to do it, but Kris swears the story won't go away until Khloe takes the test - never mind that this is a story Kris put out there, but who cares about the details. Kris "knows" it's something Khloe really needs to do to feel complete, so Kris takes things into her own hands. What a shocking turn of events.
Bruce is feeling forgotten, lonely and disrespected. So sad how lost he gets in that sea of women sometimes. He just wants a little time and attention. That's not too much to ask for, is it?
Seriously, what is UP with Scott's mustache? Can't tell if I'm loving it or hating it. Felt the same way about the cane he carried in one of the past seasons. It's so awful that I am a BIG fan.
Kris is claiming that Khloe is tortured by not knowing who her real dad is and she tells the girls (sans Khloe) she wants to test them all. The sisters stick up for Khloe and refuse to go behind her back but leave it up to Kris to tell Khloe after they agree to the testing. Kris being honest with Khloe about her manipulation attempts to get what she wants? That's gonna happen.
Bruce talks on camera some more about how sad he is, and how he feels far too neglected. He rightfully tells Kris she's gone to crazy town over the DNA nonsense. The girls (again, sans Khloe) get swabbed by Doctor DNA who shows up at the house and now Kris just needs to get Rob in on the deal. Also, she needs to still figure out a way to swindle Khloe into doing what she wants so that HER mind can be put to rest because really, that's what this is all about - Kris wants to know. I think Kris' need to know would be most unsettling to me if I was Khloe. What would the knowledge change?
Sisters in business together = bad news. Kim's mad because Kourtney is being all responsible, taking care of business by herself because Kim has been busy with other things. Now, life has slowed down so she wants back in to the daily part of Dash but Kourtney keeps moving forward without her input.
Bruce gets nagged one too many nags by Kris and heads out to stay at Khloe's house (since they're in TX) without telling anyone. Bruce is in bachelor heaven and Scott heads over to hang out. Scott and Bruce are besties now apparently. It helps that Scott has become so (mostly) reasonable and is far less of a donkey's backside these days. They joke about bedroom deprivation and conjugal visits. Apparently misery loves company and tortilla chips.
Kourtney and Kim go looking at spaces for a new Dash store and Kim hates it all. She keeps saying it feels cold to her. If I was Kourtney, the next place I'd bring her to would be filled with space heaters.
Back at Khloe and Lamar's CA house, half of the scenes are blurred out in the background while they play pool. Weird and keeps making me think something is wrong with my eyes. Scott and Bruce call Bruce's house just to see what Kris would say when Scott asked to talk to Bruce. Kris pages him (PAGES him!), like they work at a warehouse, through the house on the cool mansion phone and eventually tells Scott she has no idea where he is. Bruce isn't surprised. Scott advises mature responses and Bruce shrugs his shoulder.
Later, Kris is heartbroken to see the girls fighting over the store. Kourtney is accused of being a control freak. Something about pots and kettles comes to mind right about now. Kourtney does a great job of shutting Kris down and you see she's learned from the best about how to manage a situation. Kourtney is my second favorite Kardashian. I love how completely unaffected she is by all the drama around her. She just does her thing. Join her or don't.
Bruce is back at his and Kris' house and has taken Scott's advice about mature responses and conversations. He starts yelling at Kris about how she didn't even know he was missing for two days and how no one called to find him. She laughs and says she thought he was downstairs the whole time. He threatens to leave for good if he doesn't start getting respect. So a) I think it's time they get a smaller house because how do you not know who is and isn't in your house over the course of a two day period? and b) I always wind up feeling so bad for Bruce. Her defense to his feelings of neglect is that she's busy. May I never get so busy that I don't know where Jay is for two days, and not even seem to care. The fact that this is a repeated argument with them says someone (*cough* Kris) isn't catching on and neither does it seem she cares to - she's having the time of her life so why would she?
Khloe shows up at the potential new Dash store in CA and, unlike Kim earlier, loves everything. The girls laugh together over sister silliness and Kim and Kourtney make up. Khloe is always good for everyone's spirits. She's my favorite Kardashian, hands down.
At dinner that night, Kourtney announces she and Scott are having a baby girl. Bruce is trying to take in the fact that one more girl is joining the brood. The family talks about Khloe behind her back before she gets there. Kourtney takes Khloe's side and fights with Kris over her obstinate insistence that's humiliating Khloe. Kris does a terrible job trying to convince Khloe to join the rest of the family in getting tested after she shows up for dinner. Kris defends her "mem-wah" (where the suspicion that Khloe isn't a "true" Kardashian is suggested due to an affair a hundred and one years ago), complete with yelling and swearing and she brings in Doctor DNA to test Khloe. Surprise! Khloe refuses and Bruce mocks Kris over the easily predictable failure. Khloe says she feels ambushed. She WAS ambushed. Kris starts crying as a last resort and swears Khloe isn't over the inner conflict of who her dad is. Khloe isn't over it?
Kim calls Kris out the next day about how this DNA business is all about her, not Khloe really. Kris admits on some level this is true but says it's because she wants her kids to feel secure. Security, to me, among other things, involves NOT publicly putting out family secrets to air this way (for ratings and media attention), but that's just me.
Bruce gets fed up with the younger girls ignoring him so he confiscates their phones, kidnaps them and Kris and forces them to eat frozen yogurt. The girls get honest about struggles at school and Bruce has warm fuzzies with all the sharing. He gives them back their phones and they go right back to texting before they even get out the yogurt store door. I'm with Bruce on the ridiculousness of it, but it's probably because I'm old and stuff.
Wow. This is the longest recap EVER. Just found out the new season is all one hour long episodes so I'll try to sum it up a bit quicker next time.
Kris wrote Khloe a letter about the DNA need she has for Khloe to be tested since conversations face-to-face aren't working. Khloe calmly says no way again and tosses the letter aside. Kris freaks out. She starts yelling and cussing and storms out. The first time she did this in the episode, Khloe asked if she was drunk. Now, she's begging Kris to go get a drink and chill out. Khloe then reads the letter on camera. Kris brings up Khloe's deceased father and how he would want her to do this. Khloe refuses yet again. She claims her family as hers with no doubts as to who they are and she doesn't need blood to tell her what she knows about who she loves and who loves her.
See why she's my favorite?
Until next time...
Elle
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